New Begginnings

I feel horrible, but after all of the fighting I have finally ended it. I'm sad that it had to come to this but I feel very confident in my decision. I do love him - I really do, but some things just aren't meant to be.

I gave him over a month and a half to find a place. He has made so many positive changes since we met and I really feel like this is the final necessary one. He needs to live on his own and so do I. I don't want to live with my boyfriend at my parents house, but I also don't want to move out of my parents house into an apartment with my boyfriend. I want to live on my own first.

Since I told him he was going to need to move out, things have been amazing. He says he is trying to make things less stressful for me but I hate it. I feel so riddled with guilt, like I am some giant piece of shit who is kicking out my amazing boyfriend. But things only got good like this recently after I gave him my decision. It's all just really hard. I'm not sorry that I was honest to him, though.

I think that it is time for me to get back to myself. I want to go back to the gym, spend more time with my friends, and focus on work. No matter what anyone says, when you are in a relationship sometimes, you loose all of your time to do all of those things for yourself. It's all of those little things that you can't loose or else eventually it will all catch up with you. I feel like I have, once again, focused all of my time and effort on the needs of someone else and I have lost myself along the way. I am 23 years old and not getting any younger. I need to do this for me, right now.

Life

Is good.


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Class tonight

So here I am, sitting in the most boring class, listening to the most boring teacher and debating jumping out of the second story window to my ultimate doom. Not really, but it sounded dramatic, right?

Mrs. What's Her Name doesn't understand why nobody in here shares her passion for political science. Well, one guy does. I seriouslly think he wants to be with her. He's one of those creepy guys. A bum who probably gets more financial aid then me and doesn't have a job. I know that he doesn't have a job bc he asks what the date is every class. Anyone with a job knows exactly what day it is.

There is another girl in here. You can tell that she is trying to seem smarter than she is. She memorizes all of the definitions and then when the teacher is talking she interrupts her to state the definition that the book gives and then asks, "Right?" like she came up with the thought all by herself. Why are you asking if you're right when you just read it out of the book?

I find myself keeping my pages of definitions handy for the tests. I know it's not right to cheat, but it's also not right to subject perfectly normal people to such a boring class! I mean come on!! I work two jobs, live at home with parents who help me in no way with school, and get absolutely no financial aid. I am struggling here! Month to month I debate dropping out. It's only going to get more and more expensive.

I want to be a nurse. I am working on my prerequisites for the nursing program. It's expensive!! I go to community college and will have to remain here for the program bc its affordable. Yet my friend who had a baby right out of high school goes to a university on a full single-mother scholarhip for nursing and is such a loser she is failing all of her classes.

Explain that? I'm responsible and have no children; she gets knocked up like an idiot and gets rewarded. Hmmmm.... Lame. I could cry all day. Back to this lame ass class.

I sit in the back of the class bc I can be on my phone all night without bother. Everyone is on their phones so don't judge me. Class sucks. I remember those teachers who taught in a way that engaged students. Teachers who involve everyone in their lectures, and not just the same 2 brown-nosers, will have a much better class. Instead everyone hates her and nobody is listening to her go on and on about "preemption" and it's aspects.

Pshhhhh... Back to my TMZ app. Love the gossip.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone